Germans and sneaky tactics

The German pride… Could it be Wurst, Sauerkraut, Beer? No! It’s the wonderful atmosphere at the Christmas markets! Glühwein (warm wine with added sugar), Kuchen (dough speciality in the form of a heart), and an enormous amount of sausages. Combine these delicacies with the presence of some friends and you’ll have the best time of your life! Also for young children there are a lot of activities… even in this town no one else but football fans ever heard of.

But as usual the entertainment isn’t for free. Make sure you’ll bring some bags of gold and expensive watches to trqde them for Glühwein (€3 + €3 Pfand), Bratwurst (€3) and Kuchen (€3 - €25). “You can also sell your children in Belgium, which is only fifty kilometres away”. A classic German joke about their neighbours, but maybe a solution for the overwhelming prices. At least you don’t have to spend money on the Ferris wheel then… and you can talk with your friends without being interrupted by that little bastard.

 

So according to me the best way to experience a real German Christmas market is the following:

1. Get rid of your kids in Belgium or Thailand. Maybe the last one is too far away…
2. Go to a bar first to meet friends. Making friends is also an opportunity. Just go to the toilet and wait five seconds. Le wild German will appear and he’s willing to talk to you.
3. Buy a Santa hat. In the euro shop they’re only €1 and they lighten up!
4. Walk like a German and pretend you’re semi-drunk. Otherwise you’re not part of the ‘gangsta-gangsta’ group.
5. Drink Glühwein. You’ll have to go to the toilet very soon and making friends will even be easier!
6. Repeat ‘till laying in the gutter.

And men, don’t forget to inform your wife about the ‘horrible mistake’ you made by selling your ‘wonderful’ son or daughter. Maybe find a better excuse. She will go to look after him and the house will be yours for approximately three days! Enough time to throw a big ass party… German style.

 

See you again on Sunday!