Gelsenkirchen

Gelsenkirchen

Mittwoch, 19. Dezember 2012

Germans and sneaky tactics



The German pride… Could it be Wurst, Sauerkraut, Beer? No! It’s the wonderful atmosphere at the Christmas markets! Glühwein (warm wine with added sugar), Kuchen (dough speciality in the form of a heart), and an enormous amount of sausages. Combine these delicacies with the presence of some friends and you’ll have the best time of your life! Also for young children there are a lot of activities… even in this town no one else but football fans ever heard of.


But as usual the entertainment isn’t for free. Make sure you’ll bring some bags of gold and expensive watches to trqde them for Glühwein (€3 + €3 Pfand), Bratwurst (€3) and Kuchen (€3 - €25). “You can also sell your children in Belgium, which is only fifty kilometres away”. A classic German joke about their neighbours, but maybe a solution for the overwhelming prices. At least you don’t have to spend money on the Ferris wheel then… and you can talk with your friends without being interrupted by that little bastard.

 
So according to me the best way to experience a real German Christmas market is the following:

  1. Get rid of your kids in Belgium or Thailand. Maybe the last one is too far away…
  2. Go to a bar first to meet friends. Making friends is also an opportunity. Just go to the toilet and wait five seconds. Le wild German will appear and he’s willing to talk to you.
  3. Buy a Santa hat. In the euro shop they’re only €1 and they lighten up!
  4. Walk like a German and pretend you’re semi-drunk. Otherwise you’re not part of the ‘gangsta-gangsta’ group.
  5. Drink Glühwein. You’ll have to go to the toilet very soon and making friends will even be easier!
  6. Repeat ‘till laying in the gutter.

And men, don’t forget to inform your wife about the ‘horrible mistake’ you made by selling your ‘wonderful’ son or daughter. Maybe find a better excuse. She will go to look after him and the house will be yours for approximately three days! Enough time to throw a big ass party… German style.

 
See you again on Sunday!

Montag, 17. Dezember 2012

“Wurst and Wurstl”



Vienna… The most beautiful city I’ve ever seen (besides Florence). The architecture, museums and even the trams are more ancient than my grandmother. And so was the mentality: conservative. Not comparable with the open minded German culture. Five differences between the two nationalities.

  1. The Germans had Beethoven, the Austrians had to do it with Hitler. Of course the Austrians want them to switch nationalities.
  2. My God, the Austrians are annoying when they walk on the streets. They’re slow and there’s no way to surpass them. Besides that, they believe that if you come from the right, they have priority to pass before you.
  3. There’s an enormous discrepancy between the languages. My German friends warned me of that. “They speak like they’re having a potato in their mouth!” Well, speaking about potatoes… While the Germans say Kartoffeln (potatoes), Wurst (sausage) and Guten Appetit (have a good meal), the Austrians say Ertapfeln, Wurstl and Mahlzeit. I had to make the switch from German to German. Weird.
  4. An other Austrian curiosity is the politeness of the people. They will always use the polite form before the informal one when they talk to you in their extra terrestrial accent. The Germans aren’t so strict in that.
  5. Both nationalities dress very differently. In Vienna I only saw black and grey clothes. Very depressing. The Germans use a lot more colours that make people happy.
 
That’s why I have to conclude that I like the Germans a lot more and that I’m proud to live in this country. And no, I’m not becoming a national socialist. Imagine that.

I also met my Italian friend again, Franky Garage. I’ll start another blog about his adventures around the world very soon, so stay in tune! Here are some teasing pictures.

 








A short blog, but my German friends always say: “Length doesn’t matter. The way you use it makes the difference”.

See you next on Wednesday, folks! I'll write about the wonderful German pride: Christmas markets!

Sonntag, 2. Dezember 2012

The Germans, their Wurst and the yellow liquid



An obsession… That’s the only thing I can say about the German sausages. Whether you go ice skating, swimming or shopping; you’ll always see a fat man eating a ‘Wurst’ that’s even fatter. Currywurst, Bratwurst, Bockwurst,… They have everything, but they all are the same. Imagine the taste of dead pork crammed in a long, thin intestine, finished with some Heinz ketchup and mustard. Sounds gross, isn’t it? Well, it’s delicious. I like it a lot!



To make the German picture complete, we should add some Lederhosen and a litre of beer poured in a big transparent glass, an obese wife with pigtails named Olga and a waving German flag with those three wonderful colours. I like the tricolour, but we all know the stripes should be vertical and they should switch the order of the colours to black - yellow - red. A new historical empire would be born!



Besides the fact that they consider their phallus as their ‘second sausage’, the Germans also have an enormous stomach for yellow liquid. Not urine, but beer… Well, actually those words are synonyms here. If it has more than 5 percent of alcohol in it, they call it ‘too Belgian’. But even than I have to say I’m quite impressed: every town has its own local beer, even if there are only 200 people living there. A revelation, even for the Belgian!

The struggle for ‘best beer of the German territory’ always makes me feel as heroic as Perseus defeating Medusa. While thinking about that, there’s always this slogan that suddenly appears:
As an inhabitant of Gelsenkirchen, there is no chance I prefer Stauder (beer from Essen) or Kölsch (alcoholic water from Cologne). I’ll die with an ice cold Veltins in my perished hand! And my last breath will follow after the final sip of this holy moisture! Veltins is my faith, my religion and my wife ‘till the end of my glorious days!
But not really, ‘cause my favourite beer is Orval.



So, just remember that when you’re in Germany you shouldn’t talk about non-national beer, Belgians and Nazis, ‘cause you won’t leave the country alive.

Next week I’ll make a comparison between the two archrivals of the European continent: the Germans and the Austrians. That’s going to be interesting, my fellow friends!

See you on Sunday the 9th of December!

And Cheers to the German beers!